Gaslighting is just one tactic of coercive and controlling behaviour that aims to make survivors doubt themselves, their perception of events and even their own sanity, with devastating consequences. This form of abuse can be subtle.

Signs of gaslighting:

• Constantly second-guessing yourself.
• Asking yourself “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day.
• Often feeling confused / crazy.
• Feeling as though you can’t do anything right.
• Always apologising to your partner.
• Wondering if you are a “good enough” partner.
• Withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses for or about your partner.
• Knowing something is wrong but not being able to express what it is.
• Lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.
• Having trouble making simple decisions.
• Having the sense you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, and more relaxed.

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Financial abuse is one of the most prevalent forms of older people abuse and is where someone in a position of trust interferes in an older person’s ability to acquire, use or maintain their finances. It is always a crime but not always prosecuted. Financial abuse often occurs alongside other forms of abuse. 

Financial abuse can include: 

• money being stolen or misused 
• fraud 
• exploiting someone's financial affairs 
• restricting someone's access to money, employment or possessions 
• pressuring and coercing someone about their will, lasting power of attorney, property or inheritance. 

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Coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, frighten or scare their victim. 

This controlling behaviour is a range of acts designed to make a person feel inferior and/or dependent. 

It isolates them from any form of support, from family and friends, exploiting them for personal gain, controlling everything they do and depriving them of their right to make their own choices of everyday activities, thoughts, feelings.

It takes away their independence, which includes enforcing rules that degrade or dehumanise the victim or threats to reveal private information about them.

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Physical abuse is the most visible form of domestic abuse. It includes such behaviour as slapping, burning, beating, kicking, biting, stabbing and can lead to permanant injuries and sometimes death.

The perpetrator’s aim is to intimidate and cause fear. If someone in your family or an intimate partner is acting in this way, regardless of scale, this is physical abuse. Assaults often start small, maybe a small shove during an argument, or forcefully grabbing your wrist, but over time usually become more frequent and more severe.  It may be preceded by other abusive behaviours, such as verbal or emotional abuse.

Perpetrators of physical abuse may be extremely remorseful after the attacks; they may be tearful and apologetic.  Alternatively they may insist that the victim started or caused the violence. They may argue that they had not intended to be physically abusive but that they ‘lost it’. These conflicting justifications often leave the victim extremely confused and aim to enable the perpetrator to maintain control over the victim. Whatever happens, it is NEVER the fault of the victim, and the excuses will NEVER excuse violent behaviour in the home.

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Emotional, psychological and mental abuse are often closely linked terms that can be used interchangeably. The aim of the perpetrator of emotional abuse in relationships is to reduce confidence and esteem in order to make their victim increasingly reliant on them.

Emotional abuse in relationships can include (but is not limited to):

• Constant put downs which make their victim feel stupid, worthless and useless
• Making them feel that they are a bad/incapable parent
• Making them feel ugly or fat
• Telling them they are mad or ill
• Isolating them from family and friends
• Not allowing them out alone, constant checking up or following them
• Playing on their fears or phobias
• Ignoring or using silence against the victim
• Making false allegations about them or endlessly making accusations
• Many survivors of emotional abuse in relationships state that the impact of the abuse is worse than any physical violence they experienced, however it was much more difficult to prove, to obtain protection, or even to get others to take them seriously.

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Honour based violence, including ‘honour killings’, is a type of abuse that is carried out in communities that have strong perceptions of ‘honour’ and ‘shame’.

Individuals may be seen to bring shame onto the family if they behave, or it is rumoured that they have behaved, in a way which the family or community disapproves of, this can result in honour based violence.  This may include having a ‘non-arranged’ relationship, having a relationship with someone of a different faith, dressing inappropriately, refusing an arranged marriage, leaving a marriage or being gay.

Speaking out against honour based violence is extremely difficult as the perpetrators are more often than not the victim’s extended family and loved ones, who they do not wish to feel the force of the law.

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